Thought provoking silence

I woke up this morning realising a lot of things. Most people would say life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gonna get. But when i think about it again, life is like a jigsaw puzzle. You have to find the perfect fit to get the big picture. And this is like a thousand pieces of jigsaw puzzle.You scramble around to find the perfect shape. Sometimes you got the wrong fit but with the same background. It will take you a lifetime to complete the picture. Some people even gave up finding the pieces and the picture is never completed. You toss and turn the pieces, piece it up where it fits. You solve the puzzle one by one. There you go, another good description of life. You piece up all your memories and that is the story of your life. The picture will not be complete until you achieve whatever you think you can achieve in life. So think about it and tell me your view :)

ANother thing that struck my mind is how we always say that we cant handle the fake ones? well, from my observation, sometimes you just have to fake it to go with the flow or if you try to be genuine then they would think that you are not up to par with them? Would you say that someone is fake just because they dont act like you or they dont have the same thinking as you? Or to think from another angle, in order to be friends with you, they try to follow your way to see if it's okay with them and they ended up being fake in your eyes.Conniving even. Yes we meet all these people everyday but at the end of the day, you should know who your real friends are. Real friends dont judge you by what you do or whatever commotion you get yourself into. And from personal experiences, yes i have blocked out people who genuinely tried to be friends with me and yes i have got some people who brushed me off when i genuinely tried to be friends with them. Hmm..i wonder why. Could it be that we dont go on the same wave length? or share the same kind of jokes? or even on the same sort of thinking? Well, if you think that someone is faking it, maybe you could be faking it too with other people. We all fall under false pretenses sometimes. Dont you think?

Slipping into my world

Sometimes you can feel that everything is wrong. Nothing can satisfy your mind when you try to think of what went wrong exactly. This is exactly how i feel most of the time lately. Trapped between my expectations and what people might expect and perceive of me.

As much as i love slipping into my own world, i realize that sometimes i can be careless with people. It is certainly not my intention to befriend people and leave them bewildered. Something must have gone wrong somewhere hence i am taking a step back. Remember that i have a wall - not everyone can step inside the circle around me without me twitching or wincing. That is why confusion is a big thing for me. I dont like to be confused. I would rather know the truth, even if the truth hurts, rather than beat around the bush. It makes things a little less complicated.

Well, missing in action is nothing new to the friends who really know me. They know that sya will be back when you least expect it. As i've written last in my blog, i told ya that i would return to being a homebody and to watch me. So haha, here i am always at home and taking a chill pill from the ever so happening heritage row life for a bit. Not just heritage row actually, from everything and everyone. I need some space to breathe and sort myself out. You know what they say, when aries women is not in a relationship, she will be busy sorting out her life.

i found that i know exactly what i want careerwise but im still in the blur on the matter of the heart. It has always been like that actually. I used to wonder why is it that i cannot fall in love until in 2001 were i fell in love for the first time. The answer that i get is that: only when the right person comes along and when the chemistry is right, maybe i can fall in love and give love in return. Until then, my world is just fine as it is. I am content just to cocoon myself in serenity for now.

An island of isolation

I got exactly what i wanted. A getaway to an unfamiliar place with some unfamiliar people. Thanks to SofiaO :) haha..I forgot that the adventurous part of me is still alive and kicking. I have been trying to thread carefully in life after falling into the ditch a few times.It was liberating as it was somewhat a bit daunting. Well daunting seems to be like a big word right now but cant think of anything else. I was lost between what is real and what is not. I loved it but yeah I kindda miss my friends a bit because I cant be myself fully. All in all I enjoyed myself. I liked it when I dont have to think about anything. Even when I tried to think about something maybe figure out about the things that I left in KL but no..nothing can come into mind on the island :)

Apart from the vicious itchiness of the sand fly bites all over my legs, i can still remember vividly the green fishing boat and pulau rimau. I can even paint it now if i want to. The swing by the beach, the horizon with no trace of the city, it was all tranquility. I was just an observer to everything..Oh yeah i observe every single thing haha..I liked all the people who were with me on the island. I think they all have a great personality. It's a shame that I was being a bit malu like dat to like really get to know them actually. Oh well I guess I will see them around in KL.

OK back to reality, well of course i am somewhat a bit confused like in between of deciding who should i be. My multi faceted personality is sometimes confusing. Like should i lay low or not..should i party on or not..sometimes i feel like being a homebody but some part of me still wants to go out and party. One part of me wants to be demure and somewhat a diva but the other part of me just want to stay crazy. Like i know im putting on weight but i dont care but actually i want to care. Hmm I am always contradicting myself i guess. I am always caught in between of what i should be and what i am actually. Its like i cant be too careful nor can i be too careless.

It's funny that when i decided to stop thinking and worrying about what i do, i seem to block my mind from everything. I cant even let out my poetic emotions anymore. I cant write poetry like i used to. Its like im waiting for an answer.

Haha yeah i can be really deep sometimes but i know people always see me as the chirpy chirpy individual who sometimes can get really garang :)

This is what my blog is for anyway..to let out an ocean of deep thoughts in my mind. yay!

Crazy Beautiful

It was like seeing it all over again in a dream,

The same infatuation swept over me like a gentle breeze,

A hazy de javu clouded my mind as I was unable to control myself,

Such familiarity sink down deeper to the bottom of the sea

because I know i can only watch from afar,

I dare not step into the water

although I've dipped my toes in it unintentionally,

Its like watching the beginning of a notebook that has been written,

i am merely re-writing it again.

The same spot at the same place,

What I have seen only made me smile,

That moment in time I have no regrets,

Although i barely know him

it took only a few seconds to leave a lasting image.

Crazy beautiful.

That is how i see him but only from a distance.

catNIP!

My latest findings of human behaviour last weekend were rather an amusing one. Is that even the correct word? Amusing? Well rather, I find it quite exasperating. For instance, I know of this girl who created a lot of commotion around her life that people took a step back from her. Apart from that she does not have anything against the world.

Being the diplomatic ol' me, I am friends with everyone. I do not discriminate people based on what people tell me of what the person did to them but then again the people who tells me this must also be worthy and credible. Most of the time, those people who talks about people have their own issue anyway.

Again, if you are my friend you should know that I prefer to stay away from gossiping about anyone. I will just be like yeah yeah or oh ye ke and thats it, I refuse to comment any further. Mind you yeah if you get on my bad side I will continuously ramble on you like nobody's business. My sarcasm will be at the upmost level.

Back to the weekend findings. And so people were looking at me and questioning me on why was I out with this particular person? For one, I dont care about what people say about this person or any other person that i am friends with unless these people get on my bad side. Number two, why do i need to follow the crowd and stick to the limit that they set in order for you to be accepted in "their" circle. Number three, I will continue to be friends with whomever as long as they dont step on my toes. Number four, all of you who were scowling and questioning are mostly acquaintances and konon nye in the right circle. Geez man wake up.

Oh and another thing, why did i get the scowling as well from these acquaintances again?? I am definitely not the person's soldier and I have like what, ten sets of friends apart from the person and the friends i have hang out with these acquaintances as well. Again i remind you I am taking a one women stand.

Do not stereotype me and view me as the army that march with one sound. Dude, can you not be so oblivious to the world. I am just happy to be friends with any one at all so if you have issues with one another you better leave me out of it.