I used to have this idea in my head when i was little that a knight in shining armour will come and rescue me from this distressed world. In fact, i think most of the girls would dream that they are a princess waiting to be rescued like rapunzel. I am really a cinderella if u really know what happened to me with my stepmom. As i grew up, i realized that i dont need a knight to save me, i am the one who can save myself. There was no one there when my stepmom pushed me down the stairs. There was no one there when i had to struggle within myself as i did not even recognize my mom because my dad took me away from her. These thoughts still lingers sometimes but all in the past has been forgiven, no problem with that. Just that i am left bitter sometimes with myself and my world. Guess that explains why im so garang sometimes and my short fused temper. haha.
Bitterness with the world, bitterness with oneself. Sometimes im just plain bitter. I have written hundreds of poems and hundreds of dark thoughts. My idols are all fictional characters like lara croft, elektra and aeon flux. They just shut themselves from the world. Live in their own thoughts and world. Powerful in their own way but powerless to stop the world. Have their own ultimate goal but once they reach it, they have nothing left and nothing to lose. i once trained myself to be heartless, letting no one else in. End up that i just hurt the people around me. That is why i dont understand love. How it opens our heart and our innermost feelings until its visible in our face. We want to cry out loud 'save me'. But who is going to save us except ourselves. Im just writing this today because i felt bitter. Its just better to shut down from the world than having all these powerful emotions that sometimes makes us go crazy.But then again, everything happens for a reason. It makes us learn.
