the final piece to a dramatic puzzle

A random person presented to me, surprisingly, quite an accurate assesment of the situation i am facing right now.  The final piece somehow always falls neatly into the puzzle to reveal the big picture. Yes, initially i felt numb as truth unveil itself and i am still wondering why i didnt see it coming. im am definitely not prepared for it and why was i so blind. And true enough it was followed by destructive emotions and i am still trying to gain control and accept reality. Heartbreaking isnt it?

I went through this myself and i thank God because i am back on my feet again. It took a while for me to figure out what was happening but i finally understood. And when i saw him that day looking lost and confused, i see me. That was me before and it breaks my heart to see him like this.

Living in oblivion, we fail to see the bigger picture. But the question remains on what would you do if someone you love slips away from himself? Should you leave or should you stay? Although these questions keep playing in my head, I know how big a love can be. I pledged to stay and gave him my words that i will be here through thick or thin, through rain or shine and through his weakest and strongest. I just hope I am strong enough to go through this. 

Each and everyone of us has our weakest point in life. To succumb to it is very sad. We must remember that when we fall, life does not wait for us. It keeps on going and you are going to be left behind. Learn from it, keep a positive mind. Remind yourselves of the ones you love and note that they too feel the pain seeing you like this even if they dont show it. Its allright to cry once in while and be sad about things. Keep in my mind that whatever challenges that God gave us is not something that we cant handle. I am concern with my frens and my love at this time. I hope my spirit to live inspires all of you. After all, im just human too. With hell of a lot of emotions!heheh :)

The Notebook

I think i have just gone through the most colourful phase of my life. A hectic six months full of trials and tribulations. I have learnt a lot although i was forced to grow up in a snap. I was forced to face life when all i did before was just run and avoiding to choose anything. Its just amazing how life and fate can take a twist. Surprises that i have encountered, i never thought that I would come this far. Apart from the sadness that envelope my heart, i have taken the step to forgive my dad and to take every responsibility that i was supposed to take.

Heartbroken as i would be all hopes are lost and broken. A love so deep is kept deep within and sworn to never surface again. I managed to stand on my own two feet without the help of anyone but only with praying to God. In the midst of all that, I met a person who in my eyes is a good judge of character although sometimes he made some faulty readings as well. When he smiles, i like to see that creases near his eyes and that funny expression he has when he laughs out loud. Surprising enough with my heart as cold as stone he managed to warm it a bit. Unfortunately, complications came in and I was left more confused than ever. The duality of everything came into play but i kept my prayer and my wishes the same.

One phone call came the other night and suddenly the world took a turn to where it was before. Before i knew it things were back to where i have left it. I question myself whether to pick up the pieces again and after hearing what my love has to say on the subject of truth putting aside his ego, I know that God has answered my prayer. It was him who still visits me, calling me in my dreams though i am prepared to deny it and throw it all away because i was deeply hurt.

I don't know where my life will be heading right at this moment but although i have moved on half way, i believe in giving everything a second chance. I don't think i will gain anything if i hold on to my ego and push everything away. The person I have met was wonderful and still is my friend. I thank him for sharing his view of the world which makes me think outside my world. I am the colour of white flying in the sky soaring high. Another important thing is that I found friends who has their own individual character of which i love to see and hang out with. If i had pushed everthing away, I wouldn't have known these wonderful people.

Living in oblivion, sometimes you don't get to see the bigger picture. Everything in life has its beauty. Though I know sometimes you can get twisted and confused, i believe that there is always a silver lining behind every dark clouds. As everything happens for a reason, I believe in serendipity too. At this stage of life, i put down half of the mask i wear.

my pebbled beach

I long to walk on the pebbled beach of Brighton

Where I had walked in my lover’s arms

Hand in hand we stroll to the end

What seems to be forever has come to an end

I miss the pebbles, the wind and the sea

I miss the carnival they have at the pier

I long for the day when I was in Brighton

I wonder if in life this is just the beginning

A year has gone since I saw the pebbled beach

But memories still lingers in my mind

What seems to be the best is lost in the sea

Where I keep my hope afloat although I’m drowning

Still I long to return to the pebbled beach

Where I can sit and listen to my heart in silence

Memories are best etched in the stones at my feet

I will return to my pebbled beach

~syanarissa~

hey...

hey..
what is that i see?
a light so dazzling
so nice to see
with brilliant hues
amazing me

hey..
what is that i see?
blue skies, white clouds
all floating free
cool breeze
as if whispering to me

hey..
what is that i see?
a moon so bright
even in the darkest night
glowing silvery light
glistening upon me

hey..
what is that i see?
you.. calling me
waking me softly
back into reality
and i am happy~

madden

I may be bolder
I may be meaner
Cut not these fingers
Coz im back in writing
It's 6 a.m in the morning
And I ain't sleeping
I am a rebel
and I am revolting
Must you be considered an artist
If you use flamboyant words?
Must you be considered a friend
If what you do is hidden?
Im analysing every inch of life
I want to scream and be foolish
Its like this is stan to eminem
What is this that i am feeling
Wake up syazie, it's morning already!
dude,I gotta send this shit out
peace

comprendo?

Oh hello my friend, i'm back in writing
and so i heard that you have been wondering
but must you wonder why i write in such a way?
i write to inspire
and so i hope u shall be inspire
judge me if you want by my writing
but never speak of me as if you know me


and oh my friend,
you will never know
such hatred exist in my heart
it feeds on my soul
it makes my eyes aflame like fire
I could burn you with one stare
my word is my sword and i toil with it everyday
sometimes guilt makes me sad
but i kept it hidden behind the facade
but when i write it will be like rain drops falling on the window

And finally my friend,
Life itself has a story laced with emotions and intuition
there is no beauty if a poem is without emotions
And so my friend i hope you understand